Do I Deserve It For Them?
by AthenaGrayEyes98
Summary: Please read. A very important lesson I have learned this year. Rated T for mature minds for abusing yourself. "Gods Im so stupid. Maybe all of this thats happened to me happened because I deserved it." I watched as the blood from my arm dripped on the white marble floor of the 5th Cohort.


**Read for mature minds. Please don't flip out and say "this is awful bla bla bla." **

**But I would like to remind you that this happens EVERY day to people around the world.**

**Thanks.**

* * *

**This is right when Reyna got to Camp Jupiter. So four years before the Son of Neptune.**

* * *

I yanked my knife out of its sheath and connected it with my skin.

_Gods. Why am I so stupid?_

All my life I`ve dreamed of being someone who everyone likes, like that stupid new Reyna girl.

All my memories burst back at myself.

Me.

My "best friend" who I have known all my life.

Abandon me.

Everyone.

Because my parents were always drunk and abusing me.

Perinea.

I saw the blood running down my wrist.

_I deserve it. It all._

Maybe this is why everyone treated me so badly, because I deserved it.

I cut myself once more on my dagger. The blood dripped on the pure while marble flooring of the 5th cohort.

* * *

_I was sitting down. I saw the new girl Reyna show up and sit down next to her new cohort._

_Almost immediately after she got here she got placed in 2__nd__ cohort. She was really everything. _

_She could fight._

_She was gorgeous._

_Even worse all the guys were swooning over her._

_Even Dakota._

_I rolled my eyes. That stupid little girl crush I had on him._

_I went back to eating my dinner under my best friend Perinea came up and kneed me in my stomach with a slap across my face._

_Hard._

_In front of everyone. _

_No one came to help me when she started the yelling. _

"_Why Gwendolyn? Really. Betray your "friend". I can't believe you're so thick to not see that I was faking it the whole time. For 5 years to. Wow."_

_I shook my head still in shock from the hit. "I- I don't."_

"_I-I don't." she imitated of my voice. She snorted. "Pathetic."_

"_You're really sad. I was working for one of my REAL friends. A friend that wouldn't betray me like that. You knew I liked him."_

"_I have no idea what you're talking about!" I screamed. Still not noticing that the entire camp was now watching. _

"_I wasn't flirting with anyone."_

"_Ya sure. I wasn't flirting with anyone my a-"_

_She took my ginger ale and poured it all over my head and dumped my food into my lap._

"_You said everyone betrays you. Well heres someone else who's leaving. Bye."_

_She did a flirty little wave and stalked off with me staring behind her. She walked up to a blonde chick in the 4__th__ cohort and paid her._

"_Thanks for helping me get the b- off my back." She looked back and winked at me. _

_That's when the tears came and I ran._

* * *

A new set of tears streamed down my face and I ran to the mirror in the bathroom.

My icy blue eyes stared back at me that was now red and puffy from crying. My long blonde hair still swaying at my waist. The two traits that marked me as the daughter of Apollo.

I shook my head watching my hair. My one only pride that I loved in my life.

But I didn't deserve it.

I took my hair, raised it up and swung my knife and all my hair fell to the floor.

I looked in the mirror and started crying again. My hair was now uneven. Cut from one side, the top of my ear, and the other, to the bottom of my ear.

I had to make it worse.

I pulled a door open and removed some bathtub spray from it.

I twisted the knob and squirted it in my hair. I watched at my golden hair turned to bright white.

I went and sat down on my bed and started playing with my knife again that until I heard the door creak open. I dropped my knife and covered my body in my sheets, staining them.

The person walked in and gasped when they say the hair, cleaning supplies, and bloody knife lying on the floor.

The gasp was high.

It was female.

My brain racked of the people that would come after me. After all, everyone would be at the War Games by now.

Who, female, would skip the War Games, risking awful punishment, to follow me and make sure I was okay.

No one I knew.

I felt someone sit down on my bed and out her hand on my leg, which cause more blood to soak through.

_Great. _I though. _They know now. _

"Gwen. Come out please."

My mind raced.

Why would _she _come after me? We didn't even know each other. Only the names because of roll call from the training we had yesterday together with Bobby and Jason.

I pulled the sheet low enough for her to see just me eyes.

I was right.

It was Reyna.

She nodded like it was progress.

"Listen. I know you don't know me and I don't know me but, I saw what happened… and I know what you're going through. It's happened to me before. I'm so sorry. Will you please come out so I can help you?"

She patted to the small space next to her.

I nodded and got out from under the sheets and sat.

She looked me up and down and bit her lip.

Motioning for me to stay she got up and went into the bathroom.

When she came back she held a first aid kit, scissors, with a broom and trash can.

First she got the broom and wiped up all the loose hair on the ground and threw it away.

Then she took a rag from the first aid and cleaned all the blood on the floor. She rinsed the rag in the sink and twisted it and all the water came pouring out.

She came back over to me and motioned for me to give her my arm.

I held it out and jumped when she put the rag on it.

She cleansed all my cuts on my arms and legs then bandaged them.

Finally, she took the scissors and fixed my hair.

"How do you know how to cut hair?" I croaked.

She chuckled and told me of how her sister had made them live at the sorcerers Circe`s spa in the Sea of Monsters so she learned all these hair and nail beauty crap. Then it was taken over by some pirates and her sister taught them how to fight and they escaped.

"That's how I learned to fight before I got here."

"Well you're really good. You must be happy you got into one of the best cohorts."

She shook her head and I saw her bite her lip in the mirror.

"I don't like it there. Everything's so…. Plain. I really wish I were here. In 5th cohort. Everyone tells me to stay away from you guys because you're awful but, you guys aren't. You're so much better than them. If I could make the switch I would."

I turned to look at her.

"Really? You would."

She nodded and put down the scissors.

"There you go." She said while clasping her hands.

I looked and was amazed.

I had a small bob that came to right to the top of my ears which went really nice with my new white hair.

I wiped a tear from my face and looked at her.

"Thank you." I whispered. "This is the nicest thing anyone`s ever done for me."

She smiled and wiped the tear.

"You're very welcome."

The door burst open and the guys were pushing each other around and joking about how awful each of them was in the games.

That is until they saw me.

They all stood still and looked at me shocked with their mouths open.

Dakotas's glass of Kool-Aid fell out of his hand and shattered on the floor.

Bobby was the first to speak.

"Gwen… what- what happened to you?"

Reyna stood in front of me with her arms crossed.

"That is none of your business." She said in a stern voice.

I stood and touched her on the arm. "It's okay. Their friends."

"Oh, well it is still none of their business."

I shook my head at her. "We have to tell them."

I turned to Dakota, Bobby, and Jason.

"When I was running away I tripped on the way on the pavement. Reyna found me here and helped me… ah, clean up. I didn't like my hair the way it was so she fixed it for me."

She smirked at them and I winked at her. Apparently the guy didn't notice.

"But, Gwen, you love your hair." Jason said.

I cursed. "I did but, not anymore."

They looked at each other and shrugged.

Idiots.

"So… theirs a marathon of Melissa and Joey tonight. You wanna watch it with me?" Reyna asked.

I shook my head. "We don't have a TV."

She smiled. "But… maybe I do."

All the guys faces brightened up and ran to Reyna`s bunk across the road.

We laughed. I was about to follow but, she grabbed my arm and held me back. I turned.

"Yeah?"

She frowned at me and grabbed my hand.

"You must swear to the Gods for me that you will NEVER, EVER, cut yourself again. Okay."

I nodded. "As long as you swear never to tell a living or dead soul."

She smiled and we both took our vows and we walked to her bunk.

* * *

From then on I knew I always had a friend to rely on. None of them EVER betrayed me.

Eventually, I told Bobby, Dakota, and Jason about what happened that night. Let's just say… we got yelled at.

We all told each other that someday we would get in charge of something in this old place.

See what happened.

Eventually Hazel came along and became close to me. She was Reyna's and I`s little sister we never had.

We all decided to tell her what happened that night when she was older. She was too young to understand now.

We all lasted through a War… and Jason getting to be praetor.

You have no idea how many things he broke with his victory dance.

We also lasted through watching Jason`s dance.

I still have nightmares.

And if you're wondering what happened to Perinea. Well let's just say Lupa came one day and that's the last time we ever saw her.

Bobby and Dakota had a reenactment of what her face was like.

I kind of hope she was eaten.

Wow that's mean.

But I learned something that day.

Friends are just there.

But Best Friends will stick by your side forever. No matter what happens.

And I thank the Gods that I have them.

* * *

**This story is dedicated to my friend Kiera, who was there for me through everything I`ve been through this year. **

**And if you're wondering, no, I didn't cut myself.**

**I hope I have been there and helped her through her troubles this year to. **

**Thanks to all my friends that have been there also. **

**Friends will be there forever, when you find them.**

**~AthenaGrayEyes98**

**Book I`m reading at the moment: City of Lost Souls by: Cassandra Clare**

**Song I'm listening to: Till` the Casket Drops by: ZZ Ward**


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